Doctor Doom vs Professor Mad
by Jerex
Summary: forget the wraith how can atlantis survive Rodney McKay and Radek Zelinka? and their constant attempts to create respectively a Sonic Screwdriver and a Lightsaber.


Doctor Doom Vs Professor Mad

Or sonic Screwdrivers Vs Light Sabers

Rodney McKay (Known as Doctor Doom in the secret Atlantis underground scientist's society) is the chief Scientist on Atlantis, he has two PhD's and an ego to big for one galaxy, and is also the biggest Doctor Who Fan in the Stargate program.

Radek Zelinka (Known as Professor Mad in the secret Atlantis underground scientists society) is the head of engineering on Atlantis, he has an engineering degree, and a sadistic streak which he hides well in public but is there none the less, and is the second biggest star wars fan in the Stargate program (second only to Teal'c)

To be fair to both parties…they were equally as stubborn and as foolish and at fault as each other. Although admittedly it was Zelinka who started it by blowing up three labs in a failed attempt to generate a focused laser beam (a light saber) only for the beam emitters to prove to be volatile to say the least.

However it was then promptly followed by McKay's botched attempt to create a working multi tool utilizing sonic harmonics (a sonic screwdriver) the result of the first practical test unfortunately failed to live up to expectations…several people were sent to the infirmary with burst ear drums (McKay by the way hadn't been affected as he wasn't in the way of the directed ultra sonic waves)

After a stern telling of from Doctor Weir and been banned from working with lasers and ultra sonics respectively, after which they slunk of back to their personal labs their tails firmly beneath their legs, and the whole of Atlantis breathed a wholehearted sigh of relief.

A few years later Dr. Weir had been lost to the Replicators and the Pegasus Galaxy looked even grimmer than when they arrived (even if it didn't feel possible considering the situation back then)

Rodney and Radek were working on Replicator code in their private lab "Rodney we need a break" Radek tries not really expecting to achieve results "we should leave it for now work on something else relieve our stress and tension and then come back to this fully refreshed and hopefully find something we missed" he crosses his fingers and…"yeah okay" Rodney replies absently he moves away from the main monitor where he'd been standing for the past ten minutes staring at Replicator coding, and sits down on a stool opposite Radek who gapes in open shock at his boss for a second before recovering, he really hadn't expected to get through to him.

"What do you suggest?" Rodney asks Radek wearily rubbing his eyes "Sleep?" suggests Radek not been entirely serious. Rodney looked him straight in the eye, a look similar to finding a new ancient science or discovering a new bounty bar briefly passes over his features "that would be lovely" he mutters wishfully. He and Radek both knew they were to keyed on to sleep anytime soon not after working on the coding problem for sixteen hours straight, them been on their thirty fifth or sixth cup of coffee wouldn't exactly help either.

"Rodney…" Rodney looks up at Radek his eyes filled with suspicion he didn't often hear such a dangerous tone in the Czech's voice, and when he did it usually precluded their getting into a whole world of trouble.

"Do you remember your Sonic Harmonic Resonator prototype and my mark 1 Focused Laser Beam Emitter?" Radek continues

"Vaguely" Rodney frowns "mostly I remember been shouted at for about five hours by Elisabeth" Radek nods his head and shivers remembering his own similar experience after he blew up one or two little labs…okay three labs they only small ones.

"Yes well I've been thinking about where the emitters went wrong last time, if I'd have incorporated adequate shielding to them they would have worked perfectly…they certainly wouldn't have demolished labs 5, 8 and 9 like that"

"How would they have demolished them?" Rodney snarks. Radek sighs "You're missing the point" he replies.

"No you're missing the fact we've been banned from working with Lasers and Ultra sonics indefinably" Rodney states more than a little grouchily.

Radek raises an amused eyebrow "ah but there is a loop hole, a get out clause if you will, we may be banned from working with Lasers and Ultra Sonics but we have not been prohibited from theory work"

Rodney blinks "…Tue…" he admits.

"And can you honestly tell me you haven't been working on the intensity problems your SHR prototype suffered" Radek continues. Rodney above blushing or flinching merely waved a hand dismissively "so what if I have?" he asks arrogantly "I spotted the loop hole almost immediately but of course everything is purely theoretical, I haven't actually worked with ultra sonics at all"

Radek grunts "so you don't have a working type 1 screwdriver somewhere?" he asks mischievously, Rodney shakes his head "No why do you have a working mark 2?" he asks suspiciously.

Radek shakes his head and looks alarmed "no, no, no" he insists "I wouldn't dare, not after Elisabeth forbid it" Rodney nodded his head and shivered in understanding "me neither"

"But…" tries Radek "I know it's morbid but…she isn't here to keep an eye on us anymore…" Rodney opened his mouth and closes it again, ad swallows "I'd rather she was here to shout at us, Sam just doesn't have Liz's school headmistress feel to her scoldings"

Radek coughs "kindly stop with your delusional and creepy fantasies please" Rodney shoots him a heated glare "so not my fantasy" he snaps blushing a crimson red. "Back on topic, it doesn't matter if Carters in charge now, the 'incident' previously was officially recorded and so was our punishment"

Radek smiled knowingly "ah but that is where I have the answers even you don't this time Rodney" he continues quickly before his friend could take offence "I'm not suggesting we break our ban…no that would be wrong and irresponsible of us after all" he smirked that sadistic dangerous smirk of his that promised he'd just come up with a really good and evil idea, Rodney shivered and the others said he was the scary one.

"So?" Rodney asks irritated that Radek seemed to have spotted something he missed "what are we going to do build a dimension hopper, pull in our other dimensional selves ask them to build our toys for us and then send them back home hmm?"

Radek shakes his head "why do all your plans have to be overly complicated?" he asks out loud "no, we've been banned from working with Lasers and Ultra Sonics, yes?" Rodney nods his head and rolls his eyes wishing Radek would get a move on.

"Wrong" Rodney blinks at him in confusion "I've been forbidden from working with Lasers and you've been forbidden from working with Ultra Sonics" a look of realization dawns on McKay who could have kicked himself for not realizing it sooner, now that Damned engineer was 1 up in their contest of brains, but not for long if he had anything to say about it, for now though "Radek" Rodney smiled "I could kiss you" Radek jumps back a look akin to horror flashes across his face.

"Firstly it was just a figure of speech and secondly I'm mildly insulted by your reaction" Rodney declares stiffly. Radek looks relieved and mutters something under his breath in Czech.

"So if you can familiarize me with your Ultra Sonic research I'll familiarize you with my Laser Beam research" Radek offers Rodney who nods his head thoughtfully "okay but you'd better pay attention I don't want to have to be correcting your mistakes all the time" Radek scowls "like wise do prdele" he mutters angrily.

"You know most pet names aren't swearwords Professor Mad" Rodney retorts striding from the Replicator coding lab "most superiors aren't as unbearable as you Doctor Doom" a snarky Radek replies striding from the Replicator lab a few paces behind Rodney, struggling to match his friends hasty pace.

A few hours later an explosion was detected in the west pier, or to be more precise half the west pier had seemingly and for no conceivable reason exploded. As Carter dragged herself out of bed (having been woken up by the shockwave which reverberated throughout Atlantis and keyed open her com drastically trying to find out what the hell was going on? A lone voice could be heard echoing throughout the hallowed halls of Atlantis, if anyone had managed to sleep throughout the explosion, they were instantly woken to the sounds of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppards irate voice and one word…

"**RODNEY!"**

_DaniWilder: Thanks for the review, this is part of a series of Atlantis one shots, see my Scientists Brilliant Ideas and Planning room for another, in the series the scientist have a secret underground club known only to other scientists (Carter is initiated into it, and Cadman found out while sharing McKay's noggin) I may write some more and have a few ideas, certainly but you'll just have to wath this space I'm afraid._

_Kysha:I'm a McKay fan and I love the guy and everything, but if you want to keep him in character you have no choice but to rib him sometimes, and him not seeing the bigger loop hole while Radek did just seemed funny to me, and I got to write the line 'i could kiss you' to which radeks reaction was so good and Rodeny felt mildly insulted by it and so on._

_Puddle Jumper 38:my mistake, still who gives a monkeys? Laundrey duty? after blowing up 1/10 of Atlantis? Are you mad? Sheppard'll put him on spud bashing dty or something._


End file.
